From all over the world, reports are coming in of people with otherwise non-eventful, medium-happy lives suddenly experiencing poignant moments of existential intensity while listening to the new Radiohead album “A Moon Shaped Pool" on their headphones. Anna Lopez, a 30-year old interactive designer from South-Side Chicago, testified: “I was standing in line for a cortado listening to “Decks Dark” this morning when my mom called. Normally, I always pick up. I have a great relationship with my mom. But now I sent her straight to voicemail after a few rings. Thom Yorke came back on in my earbuds signing, “In your darkest hour”, really stretching out the word ‘hour’ in that beautiful voice of his, and the choir kicked in and I knew I had done the right thing: because I suddenly understood what life was and it was sad.” In Brussels, Jan De Beckaert, a high-level Legal Consultant for a furniture company, shared a similar experience. “I was holding some fruit, a honey melon, in the supermarket while I was listening to “Daydreaming” and something inside me started nodding, and then weeping, quietly. I have never felt so alive.” Witness reports of people staring into distances apparently filled with newly revealed meaning are still flooding in as we speak, and are expected to become even more common when the new Frank Ocean drops and finally floods the entire planet with what some fear to be a critical mass of existential doubt.